It is my estimation that I need to begin to record our adventures, since the members of my party do not seem to focus well on the tasks at hand. Hence, I begin my pictographic recording of our adventures herewith.
It appears that the world may soon be ending. Mmmhmm.
I will begin with our return to the dwarf city of Water Forge, which was unfortunately timed at the exact moment of an attack by thousands of Nyss. They appeared behind us out of nowhere, and we were forced to race toward the gates to outrun them. Davros cast fly on us all, and we soared up toward the top of the wall, hoping that the dwarves would recognize us as friends. As we rushed upward, we realized two things—the dwarves’ offensive consisted only of halfhearted cannon fire, and our dear Ladimir had chosen to stay on the ground, so as not to lose his precious horse.
Ladimir, forgetting that the castle is surrounded by water, decided to head around the side, succeeding in getting himself cornered. Davros returned (with me the unfortunate rider) to retrieve Ladimir, who wisely decided to accompany us in the air. I hoped that this would be a new trend for him, but I was sadly mistaken. Mmmhmm.
When we reached the dwarves, we realized, yet again, that none of us speak Rhulic, so we were reduced again to pantomime. The dwarves indicated for us to duck, and we did, just in time for Redbeard to unleash a massive wave of fire, reducing the elves to ash.
And their bits, I might add. All of them. Crumbled beyond recognition. Not to mention the sad roasted ashes of Ladimir’s horse. I really must speak to him about his methods. We could do good business, he and I, if only he would use a wave of cold instead.
Threat neutralized, the dwarves directed us to Redbeard’s tower. While Ladimir went off in search of healing, I bought him a new, unburnt horse, and had it delivered by way of a small gobber named Mikki. When I paid Mikki for the delivery, he informed me that he had decided to open his very own gobber delivery service, and that my delivery was his first. He even threw in a complementary musical number. I wish him the best of luck with that.
Once again we ascended to Redbeard’s lair. This time, however, he did not cause us to hit each other. I will admit I was much relieved. Mmmhmm. Redbeard was able to identify the heart that I pulled from the guardian of the spear. Apparently I can install it in dead bodies, and bring them back to life under my control. This will require further experimentation, of course.
Redbeard also informed us that Ladimir’s armor which he stripped from High Paladin Grevious Kain was possessed by the spirit of a woman, who would begin to control Ladimir if he left it on, and possibly cause his manly bits to fall off. Ladimir chose to continue to wear the armor. See my previous statement about trends.
Of course, it took quite a while for us to get this information out of Redbeard. First we had to amuse him by retrieving his puppets, and hitting our heads on his ceiling. When he demonstrated the heart to us he did so by killing his own cat. He is quite insane, that Redbeard. We must return to visit him again, soon.
After our adventures with Redbeard, he transported us to Kaya in the Thornwood. I always love to visit the Thornwood, as I feel most at home there. Though during the transport, we thought for a moment we had lost Ladimir, it turned out he had merely returned to retrieve his horse. I am glad he appreciates it, even though I do hope I get to harvest the bits soon.
I produced the brain of the drudge and the intestines of the fine Mr. Kane, and dug out the spearhead that we had retrieved for her from the cave to the north.
Kaya was most pleased to have the spear head, though she was less pleased when we asked her not to use it until we had given the fake spear to the party pretending to be an infernal so that we could get Delilah’s baby back into her stomach.
Davros also presented the druids with the head of Bendick, and requested that he be brought back to life. The druid’s agreed, but only after we promised to do a favor for Kaya in the future. An unspecified favor, I might add. I hope whatever it is, it involves many, many more bits. Following that we were subjected to yet another bizarre ceremony. I don’t think things went exactly according to the plan of the druids in charge, but nevertheless, Bendick was brought back to us. He’s an Ogrun now, which makes it all the more amusing when he calls the other Ug “brother.”
We set off then to meet with our blackmailers, the party pretending to be infernals who stole Delilah’s baby out of her stomach and held it ransom in exchange for the spear which we had already given to Kaya. Luckily, on a previous visit to Redbeard, we had convinced him to forge a replica of the spear, which we intended to trade away for the baby. So off we went.
On our way, as I was using my special vision to survey the bits of the party, checking on their health, when I noticed that Ladimir’s parts were becoming decidedly more feminine. Despite my warnings, Ladimir continued to wear his cursed armor until his bits fell off. I collected them promptly. Ah well. More for me. As I progress in skill, I shall make a token for Ladimir to wear around his neck.
Thus, Ladimir became Ladimira. I must say I rather prefer her this way. When we arrived at the place where we last saw the persons-who-claim-to-be-infernals, we found the statue of the infernal, along with a cage containing our very own Anastasia, who was also being held captive by them. (It turns out later that she had been possessed for the entire duration of her stay with us. Most unfortunate, as she is a rather lovely person when she isn’t, well, evil.)
The “infernal” awakened and, as promised, took the offered spear in exchange for the baby and for Anastasia. The baby, of course, was transmitted back to a womb for the rest of its term. To our surprise, however, the “infernal” chose not Delilah’s womb, but Ladimira’s. I was able to save the baby by clipping free the armor to allow the womb to expand. I used my special vision to check over both mother and child, and it seems that both were in quite good health.
We then questioned Anastasia, learning not only of her possession, but that the spear is only one of six objects that the “infernals” need to complete their plan. The “infernals” are not infernals at all, but a coven of witches and jack with tattered wings. They plan to end the world by covering it entirely in darkness, and doing other unpleasant things which would interfere no doubt in my collecting of bits, and possibly in my continuing to live at all. These witches can see through darkness, so after we fled and camped for the night, we lit many fires so as not to be caught in the dark. I think we will continue to do so until this entire affair is over. Mmmhmm.
That evening I convinced the other members of our party that Ladimira’s armor was growing far too dangerous, especially since she is now with child. So while Bendick and Haakim held down Ladimira in her sleep, Delilah and Davros removed the armor, and I accompanied Davros in a boat, where we sunk the armor into the lake that had previously been Lael. (I do hope that Kaya will be successful in stopping the druid Kruger who caused it to flood. It would be quite nice if they could drain the place. I might even be able to unearth a supply of bits from the wreckage.)
We traveled a bit more, and soon Ladimira was ready to deliver. I prepped for surgery if necessary, and coaxed her through labor. It is here that I must end my first entry, but I will soon write of the delivery, and the happenings after.