Darkest Days

Uggs Dictation Journal Entry 3

From Here our Mission has 2 part. We need to find out what happened to the menites and what happened to Irshod. I turns out that half of Caspia was owned by the menites and is deserted. Brother burned it to the ground it was funny. Mo gets mad when Brother uses fire the Gobber says it hurts the bits. we head out in desert and encounter sandstorm. The Cleric Nearly dies cause of his horse i ended up killing it and eating it for dinner everyone agreed and ate but the cleric who mopes cause we kill the stupid animal that nearly cause his death. after the storm cleared brother was picked up by big bird Haakim killed it and my brother fell. We made it to A Village where Haakim got instructions on where to follow the Menites. We travelled for what seemed like a long time and came to another sandstorm while I was craving horse Haakim started talking Jiberish with is kinda normal since he seems to into mix Menoth and the Devourer Worm at will. after 10 minutes of his Gibberish the storm opened ad let us in we walked in the storm all day until we came to a lush paradise. this is where we came to Cauldren the City of the Menites. It turns out the these Menites has changed and want to live in peace and no longer hate other races. these are truly a great people We met with the Harbriger was an amazing a beautiful for a human. she sent us to find irshod who had attempted to murder her and said he would some day. and then we went looking for Irshod.

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Uggs Dictation Journal Entry 2

As Said last time not everything is clear to Ugg. Many head hits make some things blurry. so we leave for Caspia. Ugg like boat trip and things are quiet when Ugg get woken up with bang. Ugg find out that fearless leader crashed boat. and we got stuck walking on way to caspia we found a small cignaran outpost that can arange transport to caspia but we must find and disable some undead mine. we go looking for mine and find some undead. one of the undead shrivelled my leg Ugg could barely move. Ugg not happy about this. We finish off group Brother had to cut off leg. I wish he would have remembered the saw and we went back to town lucky for me I was still a trollkin at this time. leg grew back in about a week. next attempt we let on of captured undead out and we follow it to mine. As we are talking to figure out best way to kill undead. The stupid cleric goes and gets attacked. Stupid cleric almost gets killed.I almost died trying to save stupid cleric. Marrow must have poor choice in clerics and that Allen guy he prayed to must have low standards. Once again we go back to town. After we heal up we try to find our way back to the Mine we get lost and come to a town where we met an older lady and she gave us direction to mine. So we leave and try to find mine we circle lake again and lost again and end up circling back to the hut. The nice lady there we learned was Anistasia she taught us how to make a compass. Once again we left with a new tool to find our way on the way we met Mo who seem to not believe he’s a gobber and later that day we met Haakim. They decided to join us and Haakim knew where to go this made life easy. this time we made it to the mine and destroyed it. We went back to town and got paid and was shortly truly on route to Caspia. A few Days Later we Arived. Ugg was Amazed by the size of this place. when we got there we found out that all the menites left. What happened to them? Ugg tell you next time.

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Mo's Journal Part 5

Still stuck in the Elves’ dungeon, we rested overnight in order to regain our spells and for Ug and Ladimira to recover from the attack of the scarabs. Such a shame that I could not collect the bits belonging to those bugs. Mmmhmm.

I slept for the night against the wall, but Davros decided that it would be a good idea to tap a magehanded grenade against all three of the doors, until an incorporeal elf emerged from the floor and attacked us. Again, a creature with no bits. Whoever designed these traps was truly the enemy of the bonegrinder. Perhaps he was just jealous that he could not make such good use of his own bits. Mmmhmm. I was, however, able to eat a fine shredder bit to set off the most powerful magic missile that I have ever shot, which is no small feat if I do say so myself.

Mana was rather rude to me, and so while she slept, I inserted a drudge eyeball into her mouth. After what has happened to her since, I almost feel sorry for that act. Almost. But we’ll get to that in a moment.

On the next set of stairs, Vasili remembered that he has the ability to detect traps, but he is obviously not very good at it, because he failed to warn us about all of the triggers, and we soon found ourselves engulfed in scorpions. (And can I use scorpion bits? Of course not. Which is a shame because I had access to enough scorpions that could I use them I could have retired to bonegrind in peace.)

Mana was paralyzed by the scorpion poison while the others hid back in the room where we spent the night. Haakim grabbed Mana and we dragged her along the ceiling using spider climb, but even now she is quite unable to move.

When we reached the top we were knocked off our feet by a mighty explosion, such that probably destroyed any bits that might have remained in this forsaken dungeon. Just then someone burst through the door in the room where we hid, and Haakim launched a javelin at it. Sadly, this person was Anastasia, who shot Haakim in the knee for his trouble. (They’ll both be fine, although I had to do a small surgery on Haakim using a spare shoulder blade so that he could walk again. At least Haakim is grateful for my services, though. I won’t need to insert anything tasty into his mouth in his sleep.

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Mo's Journal Part 4

Upon leaving Red Beard, I returned to Mikki to see if she was okay. She was a bit shaken by her fall, which she tells me was quite unlike a feather. But she showed me a very nice gift for me, which she got as a thank you for the gobber gram idea—a small house in Water Forge with a menagerie of bits in the back. Of course, they are still inside of animals, but this is beside the point. I’ll wait until they mature a bit before harvest.

Mikki requested to come with us to find the next object, to travel and spread the business. And so she returned with us to Redbeard’s tower to talk with him about where we should go to find the dais. Mmmhmm.

Mr. Redbeard recommended that we be teleported in, though other members of our party believed that we should fly in Mana’s ship. Redbeard said that we might be killed on our way in, and that we would have a better (if slight) chance of escaping on the way out. I agreed it would be wise to teleport, and so instead of waiting for the others to agree, he sent us right along into an unfamiliar wood.

We were, of course, immediately ambushed by elves. (I must speak to Redbeard about his choice of end locations. Mmmhmm.) We managed to survive, even though the elves were far away and I had to swallow a ferox stomach and eyeball just to hit them with my meager missiles. Ladimira got her throat cut open, but I was able to heal her. Mana decided it would be a good idea to burn the eleven bits, and this was after I had just provided her with a fine testicle which will help her with her creation of mechanical bits. That’s gratitude for you. Mmmhmm.

After defeating the elves, I harvested a great many fine bits from them. I was in the middle of dissecting when Davros rudely grabbed my bodies and hauled me away with them. Somewhere in there the forest was set on fire, and I must say that I expect Davros had something to do with it.

We ran to the location that our stone pointed to-a cave-and ran in to escape the fire. There we were zapped and forced and scorching rayed for our trouble. It made me wish that Delilah (who got unstatued and caught up to us rather quickly and mysteriously) were not still unconscious from her rapid journey.) Davros tried to wraith us to go through the walls, but that did not work, despite many repeated tries. Mmmhmm.

We were wandering along a hallway after going through the doors, when suddenly a trap snapped under my feat and a great many scarabs poured out of the wall behind us and overwhelmed us. I was able to exhaust them, after much trouble, and so we were able to escape—but the scarabs burrowed inside of Ladimira and Bendick, and needed to be cut out.

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Uggs Dictation Journal Entry 1

Uggs Name is Bendek Doomshaper. My friends call me Ugg. My Brothers Name is Davros He is also Ugg. Uggs Not sure on most details. Ugg get hit a lot in head and died once so not all clear. Me and Big Brother went to Corvis we went as an Honour guard for Madrack. this Big Honor for Uggs but while we are there a Druid tried to kill Madrak I jumped in front to take the blow but Madrak stopped me. Madrak Says that we are to stay and do Jobs for Corvis. We were assigned to a unit with Me my brother and Delilah and a cleric and another guy who carried a pistol. Man in Shiny Armor gave us a list of quest. We starting looking into a murder so I walked over and started asking people what they new. afterwords my brother said I shouldn’t pick them up by there heads and yell what you know. The pistol guy said it happened in town and we went there to investigate. I went to door first Door and knocked. Lady opend and said she went to bar a lot. I went across Alley and knocked on that door the door broke open. I went in to look and found a drink. I tasted it. it looked like silver and tasted really bad but Ugg felt soo strong. guy not at home so we go to bar. In bar Brother got Drunk Ugg such a lightweight. I start to talk to bartender and ugg get really tired. I pick up passed out brother and go to room. next day we go back to bar we find out she was a big drug user and that the stuff I tasted before was the drug. Ugg understand why, drug makes you strong. Ugg really wants more drug. we go to other bar and Delilah try to cheat man and then try to tell ug to hurt nice man. I take delilah and throw her on roof to show her not to mess with ugg. over next day brother ugg find lab that makes drugs and responsible of making drug. brother go in and calls for help Ugg run in. ohh the smell and so much stuff. Ugg cant resist I grab a barrel and drink it. Ugg get so strong I run in and through guard we get to room with robot traps Ugg through Delilah over traps. Ugg miss.and I there her right into robot. I ran in and killed the robot but they hit ugg hard and hurt ugg. but we got through in the next room was the a big ogrun thug Ugg ran in and was knocked out. but brother killed over lord. and I was revivied. we eventually killed the overlord and dealer. so no more drugs. we are told that next place we need to go is Caspia. Ugg Excited I’ve never been there before.

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Mo's Journal Part 3

After much fighting of Dragon Spawn (and the collection of several succulent bits), the first half our party headed down into the depths of the Menite city to retrieve the unknown object at the request of Kaya. While this was well planned, we quickly encountered undead, which led to the descent of every member of our party into the depths.

In a large room at the bottom of a long staircase, we discovered a large jack, who at first looked to have tattered wings. At first we prepared for combat, but soon we discovered that he was quite insane. He turned our Delilah into a statue in exchange for the item Kaya wanted, which happened to be mounted on his back. While we tried to fight for Delilah back, he stole her and refused both to return her and to fight us. We’ll have to return in the future when we are better prepared. And perhaps more powerful. Much, much more powerful.

So we left Delilah behind, and also the fleshy bits of the large jack man—a fact I still lament. We returned to Mr. Stumpwater, who taught us to use the object to cure ourselves. (A cure that was quite painful, I might add.)

In the course of our travels I had finally arrived to new powers as a bonegrinder, and I was able to provide my beast-slaying comrades with items that can aid them in providing me with bits in the future. For Bendick, I provided a bit of intestine that will cause his weapons to further injure their targets. For Davros, a kidney which will give him a better chance of effectively using his wand of healing. For Haakim, I made from his own hand (lopped off by the Cephalax machine months ago) an item which will increase his accuracy when he throws his javalins. And for Ladimira, I created from her own penis an item which will make it easier for her to control her horse.

It seems that Mana and Visili will continue to travel with us for a bit, so I may need to provide them with tokens before long. Mmmhmm.

After heading to the druid village and causing the plague to end, we headed off to Redbeard to see about uncovering the rest of the items we need to collect to save the world from the witchy darkness. Visiting Redbeard is always a pleasure, and this time was no exception. Of course, when we landed in the airship, the dwarves mistook us for some of those Cephalax and damaged the ship with their cannons. Mana was a bit perturbed at that, I believe. Mmmhmm.

When I first entered the city, I was greeted by a large embarassed ogrun with a gobber-gram from Mikki. Apparently his services have expanded since we last visited. The ogrun had a gram to sing that he could not read, so Davros gave him a rather amusing translation of the words, and the ogrun sang. (The literacy problem might make future grams difficult, though. I’ll have to speak to Mikki about using pictographs. They are most efficient. Mmmhmm.

When I visited Mikki, he asked me if I could possibly cause Redbeard to uncurse him. Apparently Redbeard used one of his transmogrifying spells to turn Mikki into a boy. We set off to speak to Redbeard, and I promised to ask him to reverse it. After all, when Ladimira made a similar change, I acquired most useful bits.

When we entered Redbeard’s chamber, we informed him that this time we had brought the girls that he asked us to bring last time—Mana, Ladimira, and Anastasia. Redbeard gave Ladimira a lecture about not removing the cursed armor, but then cast a spell on all three girls which clad them in bikinis and caused them do dance. I’ll have to get him to teach me more of these spells. They are most amusing.

Speaking of amusing spells, with minimal effort I convinced Redbeard to teach me his Fabulous Transmogrification—the spell he used to make Frankie the alchemist so, well, Fabulous. I learned the spell, but I believe I will have to practice some more before I can get it to work properly, mmmhmm.

Davros fetched Mikki, and we convinced Redbeard to turn him back into a girl. (And a rather attractive little gobber she is, mmmhmm.) Mana asked Redbeard to install Vasili’s mechanical eye (which he wouldn’t have needed if he apreciated the lovely dragon spawn eye I provided for him the first time.) Oh well. The installation looked like it hurt, so he got what he deserved.

Mana installed Vasili’s mechanical eye, which actually seems to work. Then I got to thinking—it seems that if Mana can replace bits, no one in the party will have cause to object if I dissect bits and pieces of them and she replaces them. I’ll never be short on bits again! I’ve decided that Mana should remain with us for a long while, or at least until I’ve harvested all that I can.

Unfortunately, when Davros went to deliver Mikki back out of the tower, he decided to do so with a drop and a feather fall. I believe Mikki was rather shaken from that ordeal, but the line at the bottom of Redbeard’s tower cleared, so at least some good came of it. Mmmhmm.

We asked Redbeard about the objects that we’re to find. He found them in his book (though when Vasili went to fetch it, he refused to hit his head. Spoil sport. But then Redbeard caused him to fall on his head, so again, he received what he deserved.)

Redbeard found a list of the objects for us—a spear (which we found), a dais, a brace, a crook, a sphere, and an unknown object he says he’ll find more about. He has agreed to send us on to the dais (with our important-object-finding ball) just as soon as we’re done in the town.

In the meantime I believe I will spend a bit of extra time with Mikki. I wonder how she feels about Bogrun men. Mmmhmm.

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Mo's Journal Part 2

And so, I continue my record of our adventures. The baby belonging to Delilah, Haakim, Davros, Ladimira, and Anastasia was born after a somewhat difficult labor. (I suppose some difficulty is to be expected, when the woman who bore him was a man just a few days before.

I had the honor of naming the young child. (Both he and the mother were in good health . . . in fact, there is something extraordinarily healthy about him. So much so that he has aged a year in the last few days. A few more weeks, and he may be able to help with the acquisition of bits. Mmmhmm.) But where was I? Ah yes. The name.

The child’s name is Hogarak, Hog the powerful who smells horrible. (Both have certainly turned out to be the case.) You may call him Hog.

Following Hog’s birth, we headed straight for the Thornwood, to see if we could give him over to Kaya, since a druid would surely be a fitter parent than we are, at least until he’s a bit bigger. Unfortunately, Kreuger beat us to the village there, which he smote with some kind of contagious disease. The plague was so prevalent that we fled immediately, without collecting so much as a bit. What’s more unfortunate, we all contracted the plague anyway, so we sacrificed those bits in vain.

The nice dying druid did tell us where we could go for more information—to the mountain to the east. We found a shack atop the mountain, containing our good friend Mr. Stumpwater Jack, the somewhat irritable dwarf who led is through the lands inhabited by the blighted beasts. Mr. Stump was in good health, though by this time we certainly were not. He informed us that he could cure us of the plague, but only with a potion made of yak piss. I regret to this day that I did not accompany him to acquire the piss, since it turns out he had to slay the beast to do it, and I missed out on the collection of even more bits. Mmmhmm.

The dwarf sent us east then, after an item for Kaya (redeeming that former unspecified favor) which will hopefully help her to end the plague. (He also treated us with Yak piss, so that we ourselves wouldn’t die while we search for the cure. Such a nice dwarf, Mr. Stumpwater.)

On our travels, we came across a very large airship, much like the one that was not unlike the one crashed by the stupid cleric, may he be continually bitsless in the afterlife. Outside the ship we found one of those drudge creatures, who I promptly enfeebled so that the others could render her lifeless and I could harvest the bits. Unfortunately, it turns out this drudge creature had broken free from the mind control chips and overthrown the Cephalax, so we again missed the opportunity to collect bits not only from her, but from her bodyguard and the assorted Cephalax whose bodies had already been disposed of.

Despite my mistake (and sadness at the loss of potential bits) the nice drudge and her bodyguard (who promised me bits that have yet to materialize) agreed to fly us in their nice airship in the direction our nice ball and stick pointed, in search of the object for Kaya. We were just flying over that menite city where the zealots live-the ones who want to kill all of us, especially Haakim-and, much to my dismay, the object pointed toward the center of their city.

After that we wasted many hours fighting, first about whether or not we would go back for our treasure. (We did, and what a treasure it was. Too bad no one has established a proper trade in bits, or I could use it to buy several jars worth of powerful ones. After the success with the gobber message, perhaps I will have to suggest a trade in sentient bits to the next gobber I come across. That could get the fleshy ball rolling, if you understand what I mean. Mmmhmm.)

After that we fought about who was going to watch the baby. The heathens with whom I travel think that it is proper care of young to take them with a hunting party into battle. And they say bogren are feral beasts! We would never treat our young so cruelly! We might make them forage or leave them unattended to explore the bog, but we would never take them into a den of hostile humans when they’re not yet young enough to run away on their own. It’s common decency to wait until their two or three, at least. Mmmhmm.

At last Anastasia volunteered to stay with the baby, and the rest of us headed off to rescue the object from the menite zealots. We ventured into the city, and AT LAST encountered a group of blighted creatures who we promptly slew and whose bits I promptly collected. (I do wonder if the blight has anything to do with that dragon we saw out this direction not too many months ago.) During the fight, the drudge’s bodyguard’s eye was injured, along with Davros’s hip and Bendick’s head. The bodyguard was the only one who would allow me access to his wound, so I promptly removed an eye from one of the dragonspawn and transplanted it into his bleeding socket. The fix looking quite nice if you ask me (which he didn’t), but he promptly plucked it out again without even so much as a thank you. So much for common courtesy. I don’t know what better I expected from these feral heathen humans.

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Mo's Pictographic Journal
Translated by whom ever is alive and near by at the time.

It is my estimation that I need to begin to record our adventures, since the members of my party do not seem to focus well on the tasks at hand. Hence, I begin my pictographic recording of our adventures herewith.

It appears that the world may soon be ending. Mmmhmm.

I will begin with our return to the dwarf city of Water Forge, which was unfortunately timed at the exact moment of an attack by thousands of Nyss. They appeared behind us out of nowhere, and we were forced to race toward the gates to outrun them. Davros cast fly on us all, and we soared up toward the top of the wall, hoping that the dwarves would recognize us as friends. As we rushed upward, we realized two things—the dwarves’ offensive consisted only of halfhearted cannon fire, and our dear Ladimir had chosen to stay on the ground, so as not to lose his precious horse.

Mmmhmm.

Ladimir, forgetting that the castle is surrounded by water, decided to head around the side, succeeding in getting himself cornered. Davros returned (with me the unfortunate rider) to retrieve Ladimir, who wisely decided to accompany us in the air. I hoped that this would be a new trend for him, but I was sadly mistaken. Mmmhmm.

When we reached the dwarves, we realized, yet again, that none of us speak Rhulic, so we were reduced again to pantomime. The dwarves indicated for us to duck, and we did, just in time for Redbeard to unleash a massive wave of fire, reducing the elves to ash.

And their bits, I might add. All of them. Crumbled beyond recognition. Not to mention the sad roasted ashes of Ladimir’s horse. I really must speak to him about his methods. We could do good business, he and I, if only he would use a wave of cold instead.

Threat neutralized, the dwarves directed us to Redbeard’s tower. While Ladimir went off in search of healing, I bought him a new, unburnt horse, and had it delivered by way of a small gobber named Mikki. When I paid Mikki for the delivery, he informed me that he had decided to open his very own gobber delivery service, and that my delivery was his first. He even threw in a complementary musical number. I wish him the best of luck with that.

Once again we ascended to Redbeard’s lair. This time, however, he did not cause us to hit each other. I will admit I was much relieved. Mmmhmm. Redbeard was able to identify the heart that I pulled from the guardian of the spear. Apparently I can install it in dead bodies, and bring them back to life under my control. This will require further experimentation, of course.

Redbeard also informed us that Ladimir’s armor which he stripped from High Paladin Grevious Kain was possessed by the spirit of a woman, who would begin to control Ladimir if he left it on, and possibly cause his manly bits to fall off. Ladimir chose to continue to wear the armor. See my previous statement about trends.

Of course, it took quite a while for us to get this information out of Redbeard. First we had to amuse him by retrieving his puppets, and hitting our heads on his ceiling. When he demonstrated the heart to us he did so by killing his own cat. He is quite insane, that Redbeard. We must return to visit him again, soon.

After our adventures with Redbeard, he transported us to Kaya in the Thornwood. I always love to visit the Thornwood, as I feel most at home there. Though during the transport, we thought for a moment we had lost Ladimir, it turned out he had merely returned to retrieve his horse. I am glad he appreciates it, even though I do hope I get to harvest the bits soon.

I produced the brain of the drudge and the intestines of the fine Mr. Kane, and dug out the spearhead that we had retrieved for her from the cave to the north.

Kaya was most pleased to have the spear head, though she was less pleased when we asked her not to use it until we had given the fake spear to the party pretending to be an infernal so that we could get Delilah’s baby back into her stomach.

Davros also presented the druids with the head of Bendick, and requested that he be brought back to life. The druid’s agreed, but only after we promised to do a favor for Kaya in the future. An unspecified favor, I might add. I hope whatever it is, it involves many, many more bits. Following that we were subjected to yet another bizarre ceremony. I don’t think things went exactly according to the plan of the druids in charge, but nevertheless, Bendick was brought back to us. He’s an Ogrun now, which makes it all the more amusing when he calls the other Ug “brother.”

Mmmhmm.

We set off then to meet with our blackmailers, the party pretending to be infernals who stole Delilah’s baby out of her stomach and held it ransom in exchange for the spear which we had already given to Kaya. Luckily, on a previous visit to Redbeard, we had convinced him to forge a replica of the spear, which we intended to trade away for the baby. So off we went.

On our way, as I was using my special vision to survey the bits of the party, checking on their health, when I noticed that Ladimir’s parts were becoming decidedly more feminine. Despite my warnings, Ladimir continued to wear his cursed armor until his bits fell off. I collected them promptly. Ah well. More for me. As I progress in skill, I shall make a token for Ladimir to wear around his neck.

Thus, Ladimir became Ladimira. I must say I rather prefer her this way. When we arrived at the place where we last saw the persons-who-claim-to-be-infernals, we found the statue of the infernal, along with a cage containing our very own Anastasia, who was also being held captive by them. (It turns out later that she had been possessed for the entire duration of her stay with us. Most unfortunate, as she is a rather lovely person when she isn’t, well, evil.)

The “infernal” awakened and, as promised, took the offered spear in exchange for the baby and for Anastasia. The baby, of course, was transmitted back to a womb for the rest of its term. To our surprise, however, the “infernal” chose not Delilah’s womb, but Ladimira’s. I was able to save the baby by clipping free the armor to allow the womb to expand. I used my special vision to check over both mother and child, and it seems that both were in quite good health.

We then questioned Anastasia, learning not only of her possession, but that the spear is only one of six objects that the “infernals” need to complete their plan. The “infernals” are not infernals at all, but a coven of witches and jack with tattered wings. They plan to end the world by covering it entirely in darkness, and doing other unpleasant things which would interfere no doubt in my collecting of bits, and possibly in my continuing to live at all. These witches can see through darkness, so after we fled and camped for the night, we lit many fires so as not to be caught in the dark. I think we will continue to do so until this entire affair is over. Mmmhmm.

That evening I convinced the other members of our party that Ladimira’s armor was growing far too dangerous, especially since she is now with child. So while Bendick and Haakim held down Ladimira in her sleep, Delilah and Davros removed the armor, and I accompanied Davros in a boat, where we sunk the armor into the lake that had previously been Lael. (I do hope that Kaya will be successful in stopping the druid Kruger who caused it to flood. It would be quite nice if they could drain the place. I might even be able to unearth a supply of bits from the wreckage.)

We traveled a bit more, and soon Ladimira was ready to deliver. I prepped for surgery if necessary, and coaxed her through labor. It is here that I must end my first entry, but I will soon write of the delivery, and the happenings after.

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